I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
