dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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