I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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