That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I looked at my own cervix.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
