Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
