I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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