you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
