So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
