Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
