I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
