it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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