I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
