My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
