How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
