I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
