I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't turn off my feet"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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