why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
