I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
