Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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