just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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