Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize