He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
