I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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