My room smells like vodka and shame
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
