I heard we made out
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
