Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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