Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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