He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
