he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
