Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
