he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
