Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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