Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
