What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
