Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
