i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
