did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
