11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
