wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
