i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
