so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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