I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My ass is underappreciated
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
