no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
