Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
