I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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