He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
