i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's always time for handjobs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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