Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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