who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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