Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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