evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
