Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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