Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The uberlube is also flammable
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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