I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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