with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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