Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
