You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
