I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
