Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
