The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well you can't waste a boner
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
