i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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