Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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