everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
