I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize