Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
